Second Self

You’re like slow poison
Choking me on the inside,
Making sure I’m conscious of it
Each minute I breathe.
You spread yourself through rivulets,
Through each stream of my blue veins.
(Turning them into toxic red.)

A fish-bone I never knew I choked,
You sit inclined as I retch through my eyes;
You further clench my soul; those claws
Driven inside my heart, seemingly enjoying my pain.
I can see your brutish smirk curling, thinking
Of further ways to pull me down the bog.
(This won’t last for long.)

You could have decapitated me with a single stroke,
Spared me the inconsequence of every single detail,
Every iota of pain that churns inside me like a tempest
As I hang from a cable – right and left
I don’t understand the point of holding up the mirror AGAIN!
I thought you had had enough the last time.
(Or are you waiting to watch me trying to slash at my rope in vain?)

You are the nightmare on the brink of my eyelids,
Your vicious black mantle fluttering in ripples
As I shut my eyes to block out the pain.
You give me no peace in my waking hours or sleep.
Even the sunsets are cruel, for I shudder to witness another day.
I’m sure these shoes are cursed too.
(By you, who beat me into a pulp to be drained.)

You have not known the knife I could use to kill
Stab you a million times over, instead of slashing the rope at will
I plot your death everyday with such Machiavellian detail;
I cannot wait to execute the same – mangle your face,
Avenge for every strike, as you lie defenseless in your nest.
I have waited long enough for this day.
(My body aches with the stench of vengeance.)

In every stranger and shadow, I see you.
Their hollow eyes bear the brutal cruelty I have been through
It was difficult, for you had fragmented
And dispensed the parts around.
So I hacked open all that crossed my way;
Looking for signs in the gory leftover remains.
(I could say I got a bit of my back in the bargain.)

You could have had one victory, maybe two.
Yet eventually, I came around to you.
Stabbed you the way I wished;
You paid for the dealings you made.
Thought you had me taste dust,
But things changed course in a droll way.
(So all my debts were paid.)

5 June 2014

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